myriad

I wish that I could suppress
the part of me that obsessively
picks and pulls apart
my joy, my ache, my heart
shredding them
for any evidence
of the myriad muggings
the mistakes
the missteps
in hope that future me
adjusts course and corrects

you said my loneliness
was of my own making
but in this undertaking
you were the undertaker
of this misery
I was not the only maker

never would you admit
nor feel any shame
but in all my uncertainty
of this I am certain
I am not the only one to blame