ab initio

THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE,
MY ANXIETY:
the words run
on a loop inside my head,
like a tide rising
acid encroaches
inch by inch
until I taste
the bitterness
and the heart does race
and palms do sweat
and every moment I regret
as I retread
and flog the horse
that's long since dead
actions ab initio
should have warned
but I listened to the lovelies
and fell victim to the maybes
and every time I swear
never again...
until I get lonesome

and then...
and then...
and then...
ad nauseum, ad infintum