trepidation

a function
of this
compunction
the need for
the new
possibility
possibly a siren song
hint of anticipation
tantalizing trepidation
in the breath
between the now
and the next
as we let go
of the been
for the being
and it can be
distressing
or it can be
a blessing
or neither
or both
no knowing
without doing
no fro-ing
without to-ing
the happiness
never guaranteed
but still
it's worth pursuing

collude

secrets
held dear
dearer than dear
and never a full picture
painted fragments
begun and abandoned
half done
i piece together clues of clues
try to divine your mind
i think that you would have me collude
in your twisted mystery of maybes
how boorish
how rude

rarefied

it grows
in the mountain
malignant
the disease's disease
fear, anxiety, loss of ease
a monster
no tribute can appease
larger and larger
til it fits no more inside
it crawls out of the caves
into the rarefied air
on the peaks
out of reach
and it waits for us all
our bootless prayers beseech
but deaf and blind
indiscriminate and heedless
it stretches its wings
and havoc wreaks

embellish

for once no need
for grandiose verbiage
no flowery words
to embellish my refrain
nothing can better explain
raised voices no better declaim
three little words
say all i can say
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
each and every day

plinth

from stony silence

this image formed

the space 

of empty air

with chisel carved

into perspective 

the memory of 

remember whens 

placed upon a plinth

to gaze from lofty heights 

on yesterday's brighter days 

through this interminable night

waiting for tomorrow's dawn

guttural

it wells up
from the deeps
clawing through apathy
towards daylight
a great guttural grunt
that grows to groan
the yawp of one awoke
by the terrors of night
sitting in the dark sans light
and once again
alone

notch

how it goes
judgements based on
"everyone knows"
small sins rendered large
by large mouth and small minds
transgressions notched and noted
called and counted by the devoted
the petty by their petulance defined
the tally grows and i am less and less inclined
to believe the truth they claim to find
those who gouge out their own eyes
then blame others for making them blind

insinuate

you are impenetrable
no clever ruse
no disguise
not misdirection
not lies
can aid me
to sneak me through or
over or under walls to you
insufficient my attempts
to insinuate myself
by using stealth
so here I stand
in no man's land
surrounded by mines
and missiles
and make myself known
as I stand here alone
without any bells or whistles

journeyman

no one begins expert
nor ends there neither
a journeyman
apprenticed for a time
to learn
so are we all
we glean, we try,
we fumble, we fall
we struggle, we rise
each day we craft anew
carve out or knit together
draw from what we did before
and hope to make this one
better and more

lenient

on days
when the waves
of the needs and musts
when the shoulds
coming busting through
in a rising tide of
endless breaks
that threaten to
break you
in two
a little lenient be
with yourself
for things undone
songs unsung
bells unrung
tomorrow you can
sing and ring and do
today, perhaps, it's okay
for just this once
for a just a while
for you to be easier on you

hypocorism

unstable the blather
of those in a lather
they who stumble over
the evanescent endearment
twist in the thread of the web
hypocrisy of hokey hypocorisms
devotion to a preconceived notion
those who protest too much
profess nothing worth
but neither great
those silent and sans mirth
like balance tenuous and intangible
by one who walks a line
unnoticed except by absence
equilibrium undefined
on the edge of
the ephemeral high wire
spun of possibility
I wait

namby-pamby

of the men that I have known
so very few have shown
me what a good man is
for me, you never failed in this
you laughed with grace
and smiled with ease
you did your best to please
still, no namby-pamby, you
quite stubborn in conviction too
you showed me love and sweet affection
a grandfather of such perfection
now missed, so missed
no more to see
for knowing you
I was, and am, and evermore
shall the better be

fret

easiest thing; to regret
impossible not to fret
a wave of worry
washes over me
for things i cannot change
in places far away
and i struggle to remain
centered through the day

if i let my thoughts roam free
i just want to storm and rage
at life's crude indignities
as our bodies break and age
betrayed by flesh or family
or the world's indifference
by lovers' cruel intransigence
by blind and blatant ignorance

yet fretting gets me nothing
but an ulcer and a migraine
so i try to think on happy things
and from worrying refrain
especially when the answer
to my "WHY?!"
is "just because"
it often doesn't work
but occasionally, it does

panoptic

feeling myself become myopic

while longing for the panoptic

yet still my world narrows

tunnel vision caves in

until all I see is this

perspective lost

and lost again

so specific

so minute

until it

disa

ppe

ar

s

a

nd

comes

out into the

universal once again

dunnage

done with the flippant
flagrantly false philanderers
the fakes
paid my dues
with cut-ups and rakes
done with the dunnage
the filler, the fluff
of taking up space
i've had enough
searching for substance
or making my own
head no more by heart
overthrown

dedication

so many forms
it takes
repetition of a motion
creating an emotion
dedication to completion
devotion to an ideal
and i can't define
quite what i feel
but know that it is real
the pride
the hope
the fury
as I see the best that we can be

soul mate

i want to meet
i wish i knew
the one
the light
that someone who
could make complete
my heart beat
how sweet
so great
a soul mate
to uncomplicate
and end this excruciating date

tog

don't put it in the back
of the closet
your favorite suit
shiny and new
the dress that you bought
for someday
that hat and those gloves
too
don't wait all your life
to get togged up
saving fancy for future events
if you feel so inclined
to get dressed all refined
for a living room picnic
or tea party for two, then
do

zest

a little zest
is lovely
a tang
a taste
a hint
but too much
too tart
too overwhelming
makes you
pucker and squint

vestige

fragment of a dream
wrapped in memory
the smallest vestige
of what was

fragile and cherished
polished to a shine
nimble fingers worrying
rubbing off the ruff edges
smoothed out
in forgiveness
eroded by time

enclosed in silk
and packed away
before it wears away
to nothing

someday
I'll take out this trinket
look again
and not remember
the who or where or when
a charm that's lost its charm

filial

distance great
and visits rare
so many things
unspoken
but to the moon
and back again
our filial bond
unbroken
you cannot pick
your family
we all know
this is true
but if I could
I reckon I'd
still end up here
with you

resilience

not as fast as I used to be
with recovery
to rise
and rise again
determined that this
is not the end
resilience
in the face of disappointment
pick another fly out of the ointment
and rub it in to soothe
sore muscles, aching heart
after another tussle with reality
pull myself out of calamity
pessimism shall not
get the better of me
not fate, but I
decide who I get to be

rectify

a clumsy child
setting right
the wrongs
of bigger ands
and buts
rectify spilled
candies and nuts
picking out
glass shards
of broken bowl
but some things
once smashed
can never again
be made whole

bogus

she wears
her crown
like highest queen
commands her armies
unseen
walks with grace
beyond her ken
and all who see her
liken her to Helen
lovely and alluring
glittering
she gleams
and with her gait
her air divine
she belies
her bogus jewels
made of glass and paste
pockets not matching
her fine taste
made in likeness
of the true
she is proof
it matters not
the what
but who

devotion

devotion sans emotion
is just going through
the motions
genuflect without reflection
hope your apathy
avoids detection
and you say
you stay
because she needs you
but you say
you don't want her to
and you say
you don't want her too
but you do
at least, you want to
want to
well, good for you

misanthrope

the easy choice

to grope and grasp

at straws 

a misanthrope

made by hems and haws

the pause

of those who

better know

but onward go

sans contemplating

they who blithely

ignore the mess

assuming those of

whom less they think less 

will tidy up

those are the ones 

that leave me hating

kith

in kith and kin i have the win
but elsewise seem to lose
i do not know what was my sin
inadvertent or did i choose
poorly and thus set in
life's unexpected bruise
i fall and rise again, again
my notions disabuse
and always to my chagrin
somehow strip the screws

edify

some leave you
stupider
than before
but others
open a door
give you more
make you think
about things anew
and the things you
thought you knew
well, now you do
they edify and enlighten
and doing so
let the sunshine in
to clarify and brighten
they do not dictate
what to think
but how
and that's what the world
needs more of
more than anything
now

amity

wrestle with calamity
try brave the world alone
try to keep our chin up
struggle to go on
find our strength in amity
as you hold out
your hand to me
pull me up
from where I fell
louder than the mission bell
louder than a death knell
joy found in unity
the friendship
of you and me

glower

sheer weight of days
of choices yet unmade
press down compacting
fight the future
with purple hair
and evil stare
summoning all the
teenage rage
in a glower
aimed to make
adults cower
but instead
they ruefully smile
remembering when
they fought
the world awhile

kerfuffle

hold up the wall
fade into bricks & mortar
a phantom, a shade
violet shrunk to miniature
diminishing and finishing infinitesimal
no cause for kerfuffle
a trifle to stifle
in shyness
the boldness and brightness
of natural lightness