zeitgeist

a year in which
the zeitgeist has been
loaded with derision
with anxiety
and with hatred
and by those who seek division
yet in this morass I found
solace and safety
in the arms of one
who held me lately
in the letting go
of anger
in the making of amends
in the comfort of my family
in the smiles of my friends
I cannot fix
the world at large
the best that I can do
is recognize the magic
that resides in me
resides in you

solicitous

the garden i tend now
none but my own
though others may share
its bounty once grown
in past i was
too solicitous
tending others' fields
before mine were sown
and where's it left me
but alone
they reap the harvest
and they rush to forget
and leave me
hungry with regret

beleaguer

it's not been long enough
to miss you so
to miss your arms
and how they go
so perfectly around me
and when the world beleaguered me
they offered respite
and strength and safety
it's not been long enough
to miss your smile
it's barely been a little while
it's not been long enough
to miss your eyes
mirrored in the stormy skies
beautiful
if not as functional
as one might surmise
it's not been long enough
to miss your kiss
it's not been long enough
but there it is

ultima

we almost never know
when we go
if the last will be the last
kiss
look
word
sigh
if this goodbye
will be the last
goodbye
i think it is so
to protect us though
else each farewell
would be too fraught
we would linger over long
on the ultima
as though it were the final note
of our song
long drawn out
to save us
from the terrible
sharp finished finality
of silence after denouement

veridical

fingers rifling through pictures

the card catalogue 

organized impatiently 

cross referenced haphazardly

veridical but disjointed

context fabricated in snippets

colored by nostalgia 

and blurred by time and tears

laughter and years

somewhere in this library 

scattered in totality of memory

is me

Kwanzaa

light the candles
and dance together
gathered for Kwanzaa
the shining smile
of the infant
mirrored up through
generations to a
wizened, wrinkled face
laughing uproariously
at the antics
of great grandchildren
joyous in the comfort of family
in the promise of continuity
in the ingenuity of creativity

wassail

carousing and careening
like a torrent of falling stars
and angels fall to greet us
as we rise to the occasion
we wassail and we wail
and rail against the dark
no heavenly choir louder
than our heathen song
filling the long night
brightening frigid skies
with the joy of our delight

dreidel

in a hazy mix 

of spirit and spirits 

spun like a dreidel

the world revolves

a game of chance

will we lose or win

enough to spin again

ruminate

pour another cuppa
sniffle and sneeze
forced quietude of a cold
ruminate on days gone by
letting go of how and why
accepting through reflecting
as the tea steeps
and the minutes creep
awaiting the healing
blanket of sleep

crepuscular

I wander through the woods
in the crepuscular hours
listening to the song
of birds singing down the sun
rose gold turns to indigo
as Luna peeks out from cloud
to smile upon me and light my way
following the leafstrewn path
back to hearth and warmth
and trade the creak of tree and wind
for fire's crackle and cat's purr

purlieu

not given up
but given in
accepted that I cannot win
except by forfeit
too oft victory neared
then disappeared
and left a kind of void
achy, odd and weird
I cannot banish it completely
but I cannot count upon it either
so i set you apart
in a purlieu of my heart
this hope of being loved
no more the means
by which I'm moved

eternize

memories i thought fixt fade
songs and words
melt into dream
so i write them on the page
to keep them safe from time
as if eternized in amber
i press this beauty in my book
like flowers plucked and woven
and on a winter's day revisit
but it keeps the fresh wounds open
this volume should be placed
on highest shelf and out of reach
til i am grown enough
to teach my heart to remember
and not relive

nosocomial

the inherent irony
of a nosocomial infection
you said
you'd save me
but destroyed
antibiotic resistance
to hope
no more a cure
despair necrotic grows
the creeping death
of your slow departure
all that's left
palliative release

gallimaufry

throw another dream on the pile
mixt amongst the gallimaufry
of bright and broken toys
a music box plays a creaky tune
and a one armed plastic ballerina turns
a pirouette like a falling top

lave

darkening skies
and petrichor rises
the heavens lave the land
so we are born anew
always born
in cleansing tears
shedding our grief
old skins outgrown
what is left to decay
interred into ground
by rain to feed the flora
of verdant memory
so we may feast upon it

impetuous

leapt before looked
and disliked where i had landed
extricated carelessly
left bits of me behind
wandered willy-nilly
without watching
where i'm walking
until i got so lost
a path i couldn't find
vowed to plan
each step precisely
until by fear immobilized
stuck in the muck
of my own making
for too long
impetuous or cautious
forward motion
is the answer
and stop caring
if the steps I'm taking
right or left
are right or wrong

jubilee

anticipation
oft the cause of frustration
ideation of celebration
rarely exceeds expectation
but with the turning of the years
and letting go of tired fears
forgiving debtors in arrears
dismissing liars and their smears
this coming season of holidays
of jubilees and revelries
a balm for the weary soul's sake
this year, more than most,
we all could use a well earned break
so as the clock ticks towards
a brand new year
may you and yours
be filled with cheer

kapellmeister

I don't know
how to make
the music go
I look at the page
and the players
and wave my wand about
and hope that magic happens
i am a broken clockwork kapellmeister
of a puppet orchestra
strings unplayed but pulled by unseen hands
serenaded by the organ grinder's monkey
smashing cymbals at random
and thinking it's a symphony
on an empty and disintegrating boardwalk
by the seaside on a snowy day

hors de combat

back from the wars

he battles on inside himself

hors de combat by memory barraged

greater than incoming fire that was

the fire within still burns

and blasts beyond our ken

to the world he is bowed but unbroken

a taciturn tower impenetrable he seems

yet inwardly besieged, fighting an enemy

he alone can see

so he believes

but as before, as in the war

his comrades keep him company

he need not be alone

unless he wishes to be

Methuselah

Joni could drink
a case of you
but her I can out do
a million Methuselahs
would never be enough
I could guzzle you
by the gallon
and never be sated
for parched in the desert
so long I had waited
led astray by mirages
that were only more sand
but now I drink deeply
from a boundless sea
no more bound to land
and finally free

fillip

tiny snow
more pellet
than flake
settles on blue coat
swish of
finger filliping
and snow flies again
coat pristine
now go inside
before the winter
accessorizes you more

objurgation

it should not matter
what they think
they who know
but part of me
all too quick to judge
to comment on the
little that they see
and yet the objurgation
of one I once called friend
can set me spinning
to a dizzying end
I hide myself away
to shake and sob
with sorrow
for a thing
I cannot change
and a friendship
now estranged

daedal

the möbius strip of memory
folds in upon itself
in daedal oragmi
indeed, in deed and action
in the exacting replication
worn down by repetition
the facts lose traction
on the soft sanded slopes
of age and satisfaction
til the happy times a haze
and the worser times ablaze
the locks unbreakable but pickable
as we pick and choose
the hows and whys and whos
the reverie is ours to win or lose
mixt betwixt the olds and news
self resides; id divides,
ego hides our flaws
as superego prides
itself we're of just cause
just because we remember
until the last dying ember,
photon, spark of self
dissolves and resolves us
into dark

qui vive

a rustle in the woods
a whisper in the trees
always on the qui vive
she gathers up her littles
and leads them away
back to the den
for safety and comfort
and cuddles and warm
protected from harm
for another day

bamboozle

vile counterfeit
puffed with lies of self-importance
giving yourself titles unearned
and nothing you've learned
but the false pomposity of the fraud
treating those around you as lesser
in words brash and shouty
in hopes they won't notice
your words are empty promises
and you're an empty suit
with too much hair gel
and too slick by far
oozing sleaze and bamboozling
those who can't see who you are
the old and infirm, the gullible and guileless
you, disgusting parasitic tic,
think that ripping off the innocent
makes you a success

salient

head fogged
gauze wrapped
like a sinister gift
tied in a bow
no more do I know
what I knew
before bruises bloomed
like roses
and I swooned
not in Valentine arms
but alarm
the salient details
drip away
like the saline highway
of plastic tubes
connecting me to life
and untethering me
from you

ziggurat

some loves are built at speed
prefab plywood piles
cookie cutter constructions
that fall at the first gusty blow
some sheds, to last a night or two
some shacks built in haste
to see you through a season or so
some statelier but no steadier
McMansions of amour
impressive in facade
but empty past the door
I will be their architect no more
block by block
in solid stone
slowly now it grows
together we sweat
each painstaking placement
on foundation made to bear
the weight of a thousand sighs
to weather stormy skies
this monolith we make
a ziggurat of zeal
wherein we both
can rest and heal
and hold each other
above the flood of
lover's tears

muckrake

the ink no longer drips
replaced by clicks and clacks
still the warriors for truth
sit and type up facts.
those others writing lies,
trolls for money, carry on
disseminating garbage
to the vast and hungry throng.
we among the masses
must check all sources now
content no more to swallow
words delivered by a trowel.
we must support those
who still muckrake
for the greater good
not those who hide their faces
within the pointed hood

vulpine

behind the wall
with vulpine grin
she plots and plans
orders me this way and that
fierce and proud as feral cat
looks out from eyes
that aim to please
but shouldn't always
so she'll seize control
with craft and guile
my words spew forth
with bitter bile
before the rest of me
knows what I say
before regret
can have its way
but sometimes
she is who I need
delivering her angry screed
to defend me for my own sake
when others their advantage take

wane

a roof tank refilled
by joy's tears
some evaporated
to sunshine smiles
lost like skyward laughter 
some guttered and channeled to
the pipes that play us
leaking faucets of affection
dripping into bafflement's basin
only to drain into a sea of apathy
where love wanes
as happiness dilutes
all salt water here the same
regardless from whence it came

thaumaturgy

ingredients laid before us
neatly in a row
labeled and defined
and sat upon a bench
our recipes writ down
in script so neat and clear
and yet
the results we want
so hard to engineer
we bumble and fumble
drop beakers
bunsen burners break
elixers explode
potions bubble
and boil and belch
in crucibles
we mix and melt
but our solutions
no solution
for though we spark and fizz and burn
we lack the thaumaturgy to turn
our baser metals into gold
the alchemy of us
still yet to unfold

soporific

a monolith of the masses
melded into a bait ball
of human flesh
and coats
and boots
and sweaty sweaters
and the fruits of all their attributes
and the smell of humid subway car
like wet dog and day old smoke
and rope and rank
the filth and stank
in particulate pieces
float through the air
and your misanthropy increases
you hold your breath
but early morn
and soporific warm
cracks wide your jaws
in great gawping yawns
and million people
you've never met
coalesce and meet in you

cabbage (verb)

you wander through the crowd
and make your marks
fresh faced and dewy eyed
naive and to the swindle, open wide
and I believed you, pettifogger,
when you said you never lied,
I excused you when my hopes denied 
and never noticed til you left,
you sneak thief, flimflam, mountebank man,
you cabbaged all my smiles
filched my heart
winkled out the joy
from which I thought I'd never part
now grown but less green
again again I start
to make my way
through this carnival
so through the throng I dart
more wary and more weary
guarding the few treasures
that remain, the bits  
you never measured
empty hands in empty pockets
and nevermore the same

vicissitude

you've gone quiet
i asked a question
silence is your answer
in this it is
a coward's answer
given the chance
given the choice
you chose alone
decided for
instead of with
it belittles
and subjects me to
the vicissitudes
of agency denied
i almost rather
that you lied
than say nothing
as in doing so
you've left me for dead
my carcass picked by vultures
of the imagined conversations
that fill the silence in my head

dynasty

atop the pyramid
they sit
and hand down
the law
golden clad dynasty
denying and distributing
at whim
we poor peasants
like pheasants
peck for crumbs
in the dust
await beneficence
barefoot and barely breathing
told that ours will come
within a season
but our success
relies on their succession
and so again comes depression

wistful

i think of how it could have been
and wistful i become
i don't know the where or when
but now the race is run
and all the words you never said
are pounding in my ears
as i lay in an empty bed
left only with my tears

genteel

as through smoked glass
all so upper class
politeness blurs all our sins
good manners attended
the occasion defended
though feeling just needles and pins
with manner genteel
we create the veneer
of beauty, perfection supreme
but under the gloss
lies a great loss
the dream that takes place in a dream

riddle

I've long given up
trying to puzzle out
others' means or motives.
I can barely discern
the riddle that is me.

All I know is,
whatever the question
the only answer is this:
love
love fully,
love heartily,
love fool-heartedly,
just...love.

impute

under cranberry & golden leaves
that become brittle and bust
I move oblivious
senses overwhelmed I cannot compute
the data received
I cannot comprehend
how again deceived
under autumn sky
I marvel at me
how I'm still blind
could miss the signs
and though I would not impute upon you
motive nefarious I cannot dispute that you
did what you said you would not do
had I a heart left to break
perhaps you would have broken
but one before you left nought
but the smallest token

protocol

of course, sometimes it is so fun
to do things as they've not been done
but breaking protocol ain't good, see,
when it destroys things as they should be
affairs of state, as a for instance,
vital to our coexistence
perhaps should adhere to etiquette
to maintain treaties delicate
and while a blind trust may sound scary
calm down, calm down, it's temporary
it's just so you maintain some ethics
and do not fleece your constituents
and let's not get started on your cabinet
who destroy the earth as they inhabit it
and blasting theatre kids on twitter
makes almost anyone else seem fitter
to hold the office of President
now really, is that your intent?
when you're in the wrong, don't deny it
and if you can't be good, at least be quiet

Kafkaesque

the discordant buzz
of a million flies swarming
the woeful wails
of a planeful of babies
the grim grind
of dentist drills
of styrofoam squeaking
of anxiety peaking
hang in my hearing
in the Kafkaesque pause
after the explanation
of me as exemplar 
right before the
"but"

nictitate

the princess awakening
eyelids nictitate and
eyelashes flutter
the swift intake
of a soft gasp
as she shakes off the last
gossamer strands of dream
the kiss
not of a prince
but of this
realization and glory
that she must be
the hero of her own story

meshuggener

tearing up over tea leaves
trying to tease out
the possible from the improbable
mad mystic meshuggener
searching for signs and portents
in the clouded crystal of your eyes
and I can't see why
the weather changes
when the storm rages
or where the rain will fall
or if the sun will shine again
at all

lambent

happiness dances
like moonlight on ocean
like lambent kisses
a whisper away
in the tickle and twist
of rainbows in mist
made of thumb and hose
of sand between toes
of candyfloss skies
of a kindred kind recognized
in eloquent eyes
that sing hope and home
and help and hello

obfuscate

the fog descends
miasma of sooty contagion
and broken souls
the air raid sirens of old
muffled in the soup
truth obfuscated
by the particulate grime
of lies that settle
like smoke and seep
into every crack
clog every pore
and more
the dragon burns the air
until our shallow breaths
set fire in our chests
no more we dream
of the white picket fence
just clean air and the sound of rain
not trumpets

jejune

I do not advocate silence
but I find too many eyes already blind
by eye for an eye leaving those who
can see at all, to one dimension resigned
disagreeing does not make me doe-eyed and dewy
though you formed an opinion before you knew me
in these days, it's true, all hope may seem jejune
and optimism naive; the time more opportune
for hatred and violence, to be sure
but in that respect, I demur
condemn, protest, be the change I wish to see
and hope I don't become myopic
or lose all sight
in my struggles to be free

quid pro quo

I don't know, man
I don't know
so you said NO
to the quid pro quo
the quid pro quo
that makes the wheels go
that makes the grass grow
cuz you no more believe
better the devil you know
and you set the fire
with no concern
cuz you never once thought
that the wind might turn
cuz you couldn't be bothered
to read up and learn
that the fire don't care
what the fire will burn

hoke

rotten within
and shiny without
you beguile
with winsome smile
and gestures grand
perfumed and powdered
to hide the stench of sulfur
to distract from your lack
of know how you know how
to blather and bluster
just enough to pass muster
you prod and you poke
and hoke up your hype
and those who disagree
out loud or in type
had better be prepared
for the backlash
from the braggadocious and brash
from the rude and the rash
with their bold-faced lies
and their balderdash
so oft repeated
it sounds like truth
to ignorant ears
of the apathetic uncouth

sabot

born on the side of a highway
in the heat of summer so dry
learned our letters carved in cacti
it is time now,
the horses long dead
our bellies with gravel and grit
have been fed and the sun sets ahead
we must strap on our sabots
and hike up our skirts
in the cool of the night
face wetted by tears
an echo of a dream of rain
we walk into the darkness
hearing howls at a sliver of moon
hope our path is true
before we are nought
but next year's dust

facetious

i would not stop those
who jape and jest
who love a laugh
and mock the rest
who facetious
bring others joy
I would not stifle
or make them coy
but would remind
that words have power
a moment's joke
may sting an hour
the things you say
may hurt and harm
when you meant
to just disarm
raise points, make jokes
but still consider
whether you're
laughing at or
with her
if you tease
to tear him down
if your target's mighty
or on the ground
a laugh's a lark
and a weapon
so be conscious
who your aim's on

ukase

as Kurt once said
and so it goes
and so it goes
as Leonard said
everyone knows
everyone knows
and I wonder
how is this
what we chose

and we all watch
as puppet strings
get pulled
as truth gets muddled
as we get fooled
the dummy shouts
and issues an ukase
and those who
bow too quick
never notice
that the words
came from another face

as Kurt once said
and so it goes
and so it goes
as Leonard said
everyone knows
everyone knows
and I wonder
how is this
what we chose

elicit

before we see the coming of
the rights we share defaced
by those who mouth the words
but don't know what they mean
the press repressed in favor of
a blank and empty screen
new atrocities unmarked
by the decent and the good
because they're never told
any more than what He would
this I hope, I hope, I hope
that those not woke awake and rise
with apathy by empathy replaced


no more silent or indifferent
I hope we all stand up and fight
I pray for truth and justice
that it will not come to this
that his behavior won't be modeled
on the words said previous
but should hope be in vain
may it elicit this response
an informed electorate
with no more nonchalance
for misdeeds and for malfeasance
for the rank inequities
no more blind to the mistreatment
of those different from these
for the good of all the people
I hope we all will do what's right

triptych

go back
go away
don't come to call
read the triptych
on the wall
we rose
we closed
and now we fall

bully pulpit

as age brings what passes for wisdom
still I am surprised betimes
when those I thought in sympathy aligned
I find up on the bully pulpit
expounding views I never knew
and while I do not mind
a view opposed but well defined
I cannot understand
those who have consigned
reasoning to the rubbish bin
for fear and rage and hate
they make me fear our friendship's fate
is dead, deceased, no more, and late

auriferous

each heart anew
we seek
we search
we hope to find auriferous
those baser made
have fooled us
lonely prospectors
digging expectantly
for the ones that shine

mollify

the worry

that no result

can mollify the masses

convinced they are

that only they are right

and what will happen

when we the people

have lost all sight

we blindly fight

half the country

live in fright

afeared of the other

afeared of the might

cavalcade

and, yet again,
another year
the clock ticks
onward still
life taking place
in the moments between
each pendulum swing
as we fly
from second to second
here and back
we rise and fall
and tread
the paths we made
as the cavalcade
of days
rushes past
and in the end
the feelings in between
are the things that last
the race of blood
that rushes in between the beats
the whispers of the words
unsaid between the sheets
the laughter stifled
but ringing in our eyes
these are the truths
that define our lives

dicker

as though it matters
whose deck chair would get more sun
while the iceberg breaks us
like fishwives dickering over minutiae
of months old catch
you pick the slivers with pliers
from our neighbors eyes
and ignore the forest taken root
in your own
this is how chaos is sown
I sit back and watch it burn 
plane ticket at the ready

always have a plan B

echelon

forget the mountain
made of man
foothills of broken souls
the sherpa piggybacked
no, it was all you
you clawed and clung
each millimeter hard won
by you (or, ya know, someone)
you rise into rarefied air
at last the upper echelon
no matter who
you had to step on
and now
congratulate yourself
for conquering Everest
because you're the best

temerarious

somehow we chose
a marathon in marshland
squelching in morass
temerarious we leap
and never look
certain we'll alight
on dry land
impervious to the suck
pulling down to drown
the less quick
into quicksand

but once the gun's
shot has rung
we can't stop
lest we also drop
pulled into muck
stuck

those few who
cross this way
may get there first
but for where and for what

had we only paused
before the race begun
picked a longer path
on firmer ground
we may have come later
to the what and where
but at least we'd be certain
it would get us there

gravid

queen of this claustrophobic cave
she sits and spews her spite
from gravid mouth her words emerge
hateful babies skipping adolescence
to breed immediately
poisoning the well like a plague
of toxic tadpoles 
her invective wriggles around the room
and no conversation remains untainted

sepulchre

bits of him and bits of her
in dark and dusty selpulchre
no more are they to love or hate
as ash and bone they dissipate
into the ground, into the air
the lives once lived
are no more there

and someday soon
we'll join them too
no more me and no more you
this flesh our body represented
to be returned, a tux short rented
our party over, our time soon done
whether the prize is lost or won
whether we danced or wallflowered
whether we raged or quietly cowered
whether we reveled or despaired
all will end, that we share

titivate

take these thoughts
chaotic and swirling
like leaves in autumn winds
before the storm begins in earnest
before the hail rains down
and titivate them
rake and bag and burn
before the gutters
of my mind are clogged
and tempest worn
and watterlogged
my roof comes caving in

osculate

you come
you go
back and forth
a pendulum perhaps
or chutes and ladders
you trifle with my heart
as though a toy
if your feelings oscillate
why then should we osculate
except to say goodbye
my enthusiasm waning
for this waiting is so draining
while I don't wish to be complaining
I don't wish to be a pawn
in a game I wasn't playing

variegated

color ourselves in contradictions
wear our rainbows like scales
on the belly of a fish
we shimmer and shine
in variegated hues divine
we are all the things
we wish we were
and all the ones
we wish we weren't
and with every swish
we switch

myriad

I wish that I could suppress
the part of me that obsessively
picks and pulls apart
my joy, my ache, my heart
shredding them
for any evidence
of the myriad muggings
the mistakes
the missteps
in hope that future me
adjusts course and corrects

you said my loneliness
was of my own making
but in this undertaking
you were the undertaker
of this misery
I was not the only maker

never would you admit
nor feel any shame
but in all my uncertainty
of this I am certain
I am not the only one to blame

beatific

autumn crinkle and crunch
a papery symphony underfoot
and in the cinnamon nutmeg air
hangs anticipation
plaid flannels warm the body
as friendship warms the heart
and from each face
lit by campfire light
beams a smile beatific
as marshmallows burn and bubble

imbue

I cannot make it live again
except in memory
but there, vibrant and serene
I revisit a late spring morning
the sun not fully wake
but I fully dressed
yet unwilling and unready
to greet the dawning day
I remove my shoes
lay me down again 
to curl against the curlicue
of the still sleeping
sweetly groggy you
just five minutes more and
the rest of my day infused
with comfort and calm
that radiated from a soft snore

I cannot make that day again
nor all the days around it
in reverie I can but hope to imbue
my current days with a little bit of you
a paltry substitute, it's true
but compared to the alternative of nothing
it'll do

domicile

she lived in dark depravity
in dankest domicile
and yet, within her squalor
she built castles all the while
with bricks of dreams of better days
and mortar made of hope
windows glassed with some day soons
and that is how she'd cope
she shuts her eyes against the world,
the mold, the house that creaks
the sad condemned shelter
where she hides her head to sleep
bulldozers of reality
threaten to destroy
the architecture of delusion
and her only source of joy

glaucous

under glaucous skies
the blue-grey eyes
reflect a sweet sadness
and I regress
into reverie of memory
gradations of blues
that gave me the blues
so many eyes defied

frieze

moments of life
documented across
the face of him
the youth he was
the man he made
age and infirmity
cannot erase
from his edifice
as a frieze
upon his pediment
wry wrinkles
describe a time
before impediments

evanescent

a memory of a dream
an echo of a whisper
evanescent perfume
of a rose long past bloom
and withered to dust
the feeling I feel
when intrusive shadows
creep across my room
as midnight overtakes
the lingering dark
without and within

hoick

i worried over the necrotic zombified corpse
of a thing that never really lived
and missed the flowers blooming
grabbed a satchel tossed aside by another
hoicked and hoisted and hauled it along
hoping treasure to find
but could not mine the jewels
lodged deep inside the rocks 
that at the first river to be crossed
dragged me into deep water
and would drown me there
released i float downstream
bounced and battered by rapids
and dreaming of the sea

colubrine

sinuous and sinister
he oozes down the street
a walking oil slick
his arms colubrine ivy
creeping over and around
so you sidle away
but he slithers along
and he leans in
just a little too close
holds a hug
just a little too long
and it doesn't feel right
but it's not exactly wrong

jacquerie

puppet masters pull the strings
and fund the uprisings
jacqueries bought and paid for
by the few
and the rest of us
don't know what to do
what do you say to those
with nothing left to lose
jerked this way and that
by those who chose
to stoke the flames
with hatred and with fear
what truth could you say
that they would hear

ab initio

THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE,
MY ANXIETY:
the words run
on a loop inside my head,
like a tide rising
acid encroaches
inch by inch
until I taste
the bitterness
and the heart does race
and palms do sweat
and every moment I regret
as I retread
and flog the horse
that's long since dead
actions ab initio
should have warned
but I listened to the lovelies
and fell victim to the maybes
and every time I swear
never again...
until I get lonesome

and then...
and then...
and then...
ad nauseum, ad infintum

lavation

oxidized by time
and atmosphere
we change
our outer face
so slowly
we never notice
until we are obscured
so sink
into the waters
and in lavation
clean our soul
let go of all
the worries
and regrets
the bits of detritus
which tarnish us
until we are made whole
again

waggish

beware the ones
with waggish charm
your defenses
they disarm

nemesis

it would be so easy to cast blame
lord knows, there's several
I could call out by name
but truth is, it's all me
I am my own nemesis
I knock me down
and pick me up again
I am both my best
and worst own friend
no one more cruel
to me than me
enumerating all my faults
with a hatred born of familiarity
luckily, my superhero self
resides within me too
to battle the enemy
when she threatens to subdue
all joy and hope
sometimes, I need a cape to cope
I let them fight it out inside
while the rest of me
gets on with the day
trusting (fingers crossed)
that in the end
the hero will hold sway

univocal

murky waters
I can't see the bottom
what wonders
treacherous or treasured
share the briny deep
if monsters like a kraken sleep
to rise and all us eat
i miss the crystal waters
of my youth
less mystery
that's true
but a univocal view
perhaps one day
there I will float again
we who are flotsam
cannot pick our seas

phlegmatic

i have faults, a fair few, i know
i struggle against the stream
oscillate wildly from bank to bank
gullible above, resolute below
broach the giddy, let down by the gauche
wounded by the slightest of slights
fighting to find a more phlegmatic flow
instead of the rapids, the rocks
instead of the exhilarating exhaustion
but when my way i win
when i float along the stream meandering
i fidget and fuss
letting go feels like losing
and i've already lost enough

scion

with leonine grace
she stalks and walks
no scion more regal than she
beglittered and bejeweled
in nature's finery
scarlet of hair, eyes of jade
perfect just as she was made

roister

puckish grin flashes
behind beard and
blue-grey eyes
still groggy and unfocused
reflect a weeping sky
and yet defy all sadness
sleepy sigh swells chest
recharging after roistering
and i, contentedly tired too,
snuggle in to find my rest
in arms wrapped
round me like a vest
rainy Sunday mornings
are just the best

odious

spouting obscenities

hating those

and blaming these

odious and vile

mask of orange death

the mass of rage

impotently shaking tiny fists

you have to want

to be better than this

truncate

ghost limb of love
severed so quickly
truncated truly
and i still feel it
though it's gone
the pins and needles
of nothingness

macadam

summer song sings to me
the thwack-thwack
of flip-flop on macadam
the soft shoe rustle of sand
stowaway grains like strays
at your door, upon the floor
one last chorus before us
before autumn's melody
begins in earnest

vulnerary

i licked my wounds
and hoped they'd heal
but tended them no further
they festered until you
my vulnerary remedy,
peeled and cut
cleaned and calmed
dressed my hurts
and made me
me again
whole again
and you, dear friend
have other journeys to make
our paths diverge
yet take a token
a souvenir
to remind you
on your worser days
in times when you
your own worth may forget
that one, at least, will be
forevermore and always
better because you she met

invective

sure I am that invective is effective
ranting and raving
satisfies some dark craving
spewing venom through a smile
and you think it benign
because the things and people you're decrying
generalized are and without specifying
but your judgement in this misaligned
for implicit in your words
the idea
that the people who hold a different view
are stupid and somehow lesser than you
I never realized how true
or how much your temper tantrum tirades hurt
until that person who disagreed
was me

banausic

alarm

hit
alarm

rise

put on clothes

close front door

subway ride

coffee
paperwork
routine

day after day after day
banausic and banal

and I know there is
a better way

but there are bills to pay

and so I stay

guerdon

i think myself
grateful and kind
slow to anger
and I try not to mind
most of the
minor indignities,
the thoughtless acts
perpetrated upon
and, sometimes, by me
don't always succeed
(no one ever can)
but I attempt to empathize
with my fellow man
i turn the other cheek so oft
my face perpetually is red
but by my better angels
I hope always to be led
the price paid,
the burden
nothing to
the guerdon
of knowing
how much better to be
in our shared humanity
always growing

deliquesce

sugar on the tongue
i deliquesce and dissipate
because i could not anticipate
esteem i built so carefully
crystallized and spun
the architecture of me
sweet but fragile
not strong enough
to withstand
the deluge

empyreal

cloaked in dream
floating darkness
on a tide
empyreal blue
a shoal of stars
swim through
you
twirl into light
waltzing across the sky
led by shadows
and broken mirror men
luminescent ladies
with peacock eyes
smile and you
smile back
a shark tooth grin
in an ocean infinite

wobegone

once separate
now intertwined
you made me yours
you made you mine
stray kitten
mewling
abandoned
in a cardboard box
you found me
feral, wobegone and lost
but you saw
beyond my fleas
beyond the cost
one life gone
but 8 to go
all 8 yours
if you will it so

cabal

            moonlit silhouettes dance
         shifting in the fog
      shadowy cabal
   conspiring against us all
 and you call out
                   instagram Cassandra
               snapchat Pythia
         facebook Nostradamus
                      and you warn
                raise the alarm
          but are disarmed
    thwarted by a button

                   not
           a big red button
                marked
         
         DANGER

but one that says

                                unfollow?

vamoose

eagle dropping
from windy sky
and i crouch
sink into the snow
hope against hope
that tremors
of cold and fear
do not betray me
i weigh me
my chances
of outrunning claws
death from above
in iron-like jaws
vamoose or remain
talons approaching
wonder in vain
still my breath
as shadow passes
hear the squeak
and crunch ahead
sense of shame
in release of dread
that they, not i, are dead
before i shake
off the snowflakes
and fear
hop lazily away
as though the eagle
was never here

peculiar

odd moments
of connect & disconnect
wires not quite touching
still sparking
coruscation arcing
through darkness
illuminating the familiar
dressing it in shadows peculiar
coat new lined in flashes
brilliant and bold
contrast of new to old
ragged cuffs of night
shoes scuffed by light
in the moment before
the filaments charge the air
the coat is gone
and you are there
whispered kisses
breaking through despair

tantivy

my heart
a thoroughbred
thoroughly bred
to rush ahead
of my head
racing tantivy
through fields
of doubt
jumping hedges
as bystanders shout
watch out watch out
but heart gallops on
headlong
as I hang on 
looking beyond
to green pastures
on the horizon

iota

chaos like a cyclone
wall of sound and fury
marching inexorably towards me
in its path destruction

and After reconstruction
not one iota left
unchanged or rearranged
from Before estranged

reconcile

jumble sale cardboard boxes
filled with treasures and trash
scraps sewn together
in patterns that clash
velvet Elvises in gilded frames
painted over Picassos
dripping with bbq sauce stains
mother of pearl inlaid
in plywood toy chests
our worsts thoroughly
mixed with our bests
never quite able to reconcile
the mishmash myriad bits
stashed away for a rainy day
which came and stayed
so the fabric of us was made

mettle

those who say they know their worth
so oft over or under-estimate, approximate,
misjudge the thing that makes them wonderful
for weakness

and you whose mettle
time and temperament have proved
who justice sought, for rightness fought,
who does both what he must
as well as what he ought
you, poorest judge of all,
when deem yourself
too small to make a difference...

can't you see
the difference already wrought
for, by example, you have taught
the world
to better be
the world,
and in it, me

palpable

dew settling on grass
beautiful but ephemeral
quantifiable as desirable
so I while expectation
humidly hangs in the air
palpable presentiment
of sweet sentiment
the presumption of elation
almost as delightful
as the eventual sensation
of anticipation's evaporation
after darkness, dawn's arrival
in the sunshine of a smile

consigliere

sometimes I wish
I was the counseled
instead of consigliere
until the bullets fly
then happy I
my mattress for sleep
diurnal not eternal
and my just desserts
just dessert
I would always
rather take a cannoli
than a gun

nefarious

face once familiar
grown nefarious
and dissimilar
crooked grin a row
of gaping gravestones
quizzical eyebrows
now arched evilly
eyes alight no more
with laughter but cackles
to raise my hackles
and I wonder
which visage is truer
the one I thought I knew
or the newer?

eclogue

nightmare pastoral
in pastels painted
in eclogues deep
the forms keep
their counsel
mouths slathering
through their blathering
wolves in wool suits
shepherds not sheep
into gaping jaws
would that we were asleep

loll

decadently lazy
we loll about
lotus eaters on a
rainy Sunday afternoon
curled into each other
like cozy cats
and purr away the day
in softest murmur
languidly lounging

gadarene

exuberance
unencumbered by sense

overwhelmed diffidence
but not the difference
between maybe and yes
nuance was lost
in a gadarene rush
to possess
and be possessed
unfortunately
by one worth less
than initially assessed
false face
false hope
false pretense
finally redressed 

juggernaut

a steamroller in Candy Land
a flamethrower in a match factory
a Sherman tank in a toy store
all this and more
cannot be deterred
you are flattened & melted & conquered
destroyed by the inferred
the hope incurred
no escaping the inexorable
no giving this juggernaut a miss
you are stuck in it's path
planted there by one single kiss

implacable

i thought perhaps maybe...
so stupid now i see.
this flight of fancy
was always
going to crash.
too heavy with hope
to stay aloft long.
the ground
rushes up implacable.
life flashes
before my eyes
and i whisper my goodbyes
to the dreams about to die.

hare

urban oasis
patch of green
in the asphalt
park yourself there
to sit and repair
the fault line
cracks in composure
from exposure
to the frenzied pace
of the race in this maze
as you hare
from here to there
but for this
lunch hour bliss

kibosh

category five
caught on the
hurricane gale
of fancy
I fly
around the world
and back again
propelled by distant
butterfly wings
my chaos
theoretical no more
until I put the kibosh
on my crazy
calm the tempest
in my teapot
before devastation
is wrought
with errant thought

flippant

the riposte my dispatch
my armor a flippant rejoinder
my pen not sword but poniard
and so wield my words with care 
and I parry and thrust precisely
ducking and darting
from the pikes and broadswords
hoping I'm fleeter of foot
than those who would cut me
with the long reach of their catty criticism

myrmidon

to the ends of the earth
I would go
just a word from your lips
I would make it just so
no request is too small
I'd do anything at all
your myrmidon loyal I stand
my future, my fate
you hold in your hand
I would fight all the masses
I would kill if you asked it
whatever you wanted
I would not be daunted
your wishes are as my command

devolve

wry smile and devolve
into the past
a prime development
row house of has
and feeling mays
and maybes
in the once
windows to the soul
unshuttered and doors ajar
we never know what might be
with one who loves us
as we are

sylvan

I dream of you
in sylvan glade
the mists of mystery
and woodlands damp
your cloak
and there you stand
mighty oak
your words drip
like moss
and I bask in your shade
lean against your sturdy frame
and rest me in your coolness

bevy

world tugs at us
hectors and harries
a bevy of business
and busy-ness
building up our days
up to us to find
ways to unwind
peace serene we choose
ours to win or lose
not what but how
we make ourselves
to be
life a mirror
reflecting back
what we make to see

untoward

move through life

stately and serene 

keen to keep

appearances up

nothing untoward 

or misbegotten 

nothing misplaced 

no niceties forgotten 

faked until maked 

with head held high

and smile wide

so cross the divide

from yesterday to tomorrow 

will-o'-the-wisp

and we reach for the heavens
chasing after a will-o'-the-wisp
whispering on the wind
we may
we might
we must
we fly but for a moment
as we leap and laugh
and land and fall
and find not stars
but fireflies
not what we thought
to catch
but no less lovely
for that

sagacious

time in quick succession passes
seconds into years
love and learn to love again
despite our learned fears
hope found in the darkest days
light triumphs over grief
wisdom won through
getting up again against belief
that further falls await us
and that we can't rise once more
sagacious we grow greatest
when we let go despair before
we let it over take us
and we give the heart free rein
knowing love despite all heartbreaks
will never, ever, be in vain

asperse

most golden character
sweetest and most true
still some would asperse
with comments to cut
them that know themselves
as less than
them confusing kindness
with weakness
them that convinced that
chopping down the tree
makes the bushes tall
and they may grow
in the space they make
but never to the lofty heights
of those they caused to fall

quodlibet

from separate strands
songs combine
harmonies intertwined
all aligned
music of the highest
cosmic quodlibets
of stars spinning
nova in concert divine
with the light inside

adjuvant

silly
how simple
a smile
a soft word
tiny kindnesses
to solve
a sadness
we have to
heal ourselves
and make our happy
but easier with
adjuvant help
to halt calamity
to aid our sanity
better all is
in amity

oenophile

drink deeply
your delicate bouquet
envelopes me completely
the taste of you
heady and rich
and sweet too
Joni could drink
a case of you
while I
could happily drown
in your ocean
oenophile, I
content myself
to savor every sip
every drip drip drip
for in your vino,
my veritas

trepidation

a function
of this
compunction
the need for
the new
possibility
possibly a siren song
hint of anticipation
tantalizing trepidation
in the breath
between the now
and the next
as we let go
of the been
for the being
and it can be
distressing
or it can be
a blessing
or neither
or both
no knowing
without doing
no fro-ing
without to-ing
the happiness
never guaranteed
but still
it's worth pursuing

collude

secrets
held dear
dearer than dear
and never a full picture
painted fragments
begun and abandoned
half done
i piece together clues of clues
try to divine your mind
i think that you would have me collude
in your twisted mystery of maybes
how boorish
how rude

rarefied

it grows
in the mountain
malignant
the disease's disease
fear, anxiety, loss of ease
a monster
no tribute can appease
larger and larger
til it fits no more inside
it crawls out of the caves
into the rarefied air
on the peaks
out of reach
and it waits for us all
our bootless prayers beseech
but deaf and blind
indiscriminate and heedless
it stretches its wings
and havoc wreaks

embellish

for once no need
for grandiose verbiage
no flowery words
to embellish my refrain
nothing can better explain
raised voices no better declaim
three little words
say all i can say
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
each and every day

plinth

from stony silence

this image formed

the space 

of empty air

with chisel carved

into perspective 

the memory of 

remember whens 

placed upon a plinth

to gaze from lofty heights 

on yesterday's brighter days 

through this interminable night

waiting for tomorrow's dawn

guttural

it wells up
from the deeps
clawing through apathy
towards daylight
a great guttural grunt
that grows to groan
the yawp of one awoke
by the terrors of night
sitting in the dark sans light
and once again
alone

notch

how it goes
judgements based on
"everyone knows"
small sins rendered large
by large mouth and small minds
transgressions notched and noted
called and counted by the devoted
the petty by their petulance defined
the tally grows and i am less and less inclined
to believe the truth they claim to find
those who gouge out their own eyes
then blame others for making them blind

insinuate

you are impenetrable
no clever ruse
no disguise
not misdirection
not lies
can aid me
to sneak me through or
over or under walls to you
insufficient my attempts
to insinuate myself
by using stealth
so here I stand
in no man's land
surrounded by mines
and missiles
and make myself known
as I stand here alone
without any bells or whistles

journeyman

no one begins expert
nor ends there neither
a journeyman
apprenticed for a time
to learn
so are we all
we glean, we try,
we fumble, we fall
we struggle, we rise
each day we craft anew
carve out or knit together
draw from what we did before
and hope to make this one
better and more

lenient

on days
when the waves
of the needs and musts
when the shoulds
coming busting through
in a rising tide of
endless breaks
that threaten to
break you
in two
a little lenient be
with yourself
for things undone
songs unsung
bells unrung
tomorrow you can
sing and ring and do
today, perhaps, it's okay
for just this once
for a just a while
for you to be easier on you

hypocorism

unstable the blather
of those in a lather
they who stumble over
the evanescent endearment
twist in the thread of the web
hypocrisy of hokey hypocorisms
devotion to a preconceived notion
those who protest too much
profess nothing worth
but neither great
those silent and sans mirth
like balance tenuous and intangible
by one who walks a line
unnoticed except by absence
equilibrium undefined
on the edge of
the ephemeral high wire
spun of possibility
I wait

namby-pamby

of the men that I have known
so very few have shown
me what a good man is
for me, you never failed in this
you laughed with grace
and smiled with ease
you did your best to please
still, no namby-pamby, you
quite stubborn in conviction too
you showed me love and sweet affection
a grandfather of such perfection
now missed, so missed
no more to see
for knowing you
I was, and am, and evermore
shall the better be

fret

easiest thing; to regret
impossible not to fret
a wave of worry
washes over me
for things i cannot change
in places far away
and i struggle to remain
centered through the day

if i let my thoughts roam free
i just want to storm and rage
at life's crude indignities
as our bodies break and age
betrayed by flesh or family
or the world's indifference
by lovers' cruel intransigence
by blind and blatant ignorance

yet fretting gets me nothing
but an ulcer and a migraine
so i try to think on happy things
and from worrying refrain
especially when the answer
to my "WHY?!"
is "just because"
it often doesn't work
but occasionally, it does

panoptic

feeling myself become myopic

while longing for the panoptic

yet still my world narrows

tunnel vision caves in

until all I see is this

perspective lost

and lost again

so specific

so minute

until it

disa

ppe

ar

s

a

nd

comes

out into the

universal once again

dunnage

done with the flippant
flagrantly false philanderers
the fakes
paid my dues
with cut-ups and rakes
done with the dunnage
the filler, the fluff
of taking up space
i've had enough
searching for substance
or making my own
head no more by heart
overthrown

dedication

so many forms
it takes
repetition of a motion
creating an emotion
dedication to completion
devotion to an ideal
and i can't define
quite what i feel
but know that it is real
the pride
the hope
the fury
as I see the best that we can be

soul mate

i want to meet
i wish i knew
the one
the light
that someone who
could make complete
my heart beat
how sweet
so great
a soul mate
to uncomplicate
and end this excruciating date

tog

don't put it in the back
of the closet
your favorite suit
shiny and new
the dress that you bought
for someday
that hat and those gloves
too
don't wait all your life
to get togged up
saving fancy for future events
if you feel so inclined
to get dressed all refined
for a living room picnic
or tea party for two, then
do

zest

a little zest
is lovely
a tang
a taste
a hint
but too much
too tart
too overwhelming
makes you
pucker and squint

vestige

fragment of a dream
wrapped in memory
the smallest vestige
of what was

fragile and cherished
polished to a shine
nimble fingers worrying
rubbing off the ruff edges
smoothed out
in forgiveness
eroded by time

enclosed in silk
and packed away
before it wears away
to nothing

someday
I'll take out this trinket
look again
and not remember
the who or where or when
a charm that's lost its charm

filial

distance great
and visits rare
so many things
unspoken
but to the moon
and back again
our filial bond
unbroken
you cannot pick
your family
we all know
this is true
but if I could
I reckon I'd
still end up here
with you

resilience

not as fast as I used to be
with recovery
to rise
and rise again
determined that this
is not the end
resilience
in the face of disappointment
pick another fly out of the ointment
and rub it in to soothe
sore muscles, aching heart
after another tussle with reality
pull myself out of calamity
pessimism shall not
get the better of me
not fate, but I
decide who I get to be

rectify

a clumsy child
setting right
the wrongs
of bigger ands
and buts
rectify spilled
candies and nuts
picking out
glass shards
of broken bowl
but some things
once smashed
can never again
be made whole

bogus

she wears
her crown
like highest queen
commands her armies
unseen
walks with grace
beyond her ken
and all who see her
liken her to Helen
lovely and alluring
glittering
she gleams
and with her gait
her air divine
she belies
her bogus jewels
made of glass and paste
pockets not matching
her fine taste
made in likeness
of the true
she is proof
it matters not
the what
but who

devotion

devotion sans emotion
is just going through
the motions
genuflect without reflection
hope your apathy
avoids detection
and you say
you stay
because she needs you
but you say
you don't want her to
and you say
you don't want her too
but you do
at least, you want to
want to
well, good for you

misanthrope

the easy choice

to grope and grasp

at straws 

a misanthrope

made by hems and haws

the pause

of those who

better know

but onward go

sans contemplating

they who blithely

ignore the mess

assuming those of

whom less they think less 

will tidy up

those are the ones 

that leave me hating

kith

in kith and kin i have the win
but elsewise seem to lose
i do not know what was my sin
inadvertent or did i choose
poorly and thus set in
life's unexpected bruise
i fall and rise again, again
my notions disabuse
and always to my chagrin
somehow strip the screws

edify

some leave you
stupider
than before
but others
open a door
give you more
make you think
about things anew
and the things you
thought you knew
well, now you do
they edify and enlighten
and doing so
let the sunshine in
to clarify and brighten
they do not dictate
what to think
but how
and that's what the world
needs more of
more than anything
now

amity

wrestle with calamity
try brave the world alone
try to keep our chin up
struggle to go on
find our strength in amity
as you hold out
your hand to me
pull me up
from where I fell
louder than the mission bell
louder than a death knell
joy found in unity
the friendship
of you and me

glower

sheer weight of days
of choices yet unmade
press down compacting
fight the future
with purple hair
and evil stare
summoning all the
teenage rage
in a glower
aimed to make
adults cower
but instead
they ruefully smile
remembering when
they fought
the world awhile

kerfuffle

hold up the wall
fade into bricks & mortar
a phantom, a shade
violet shrunk to miniature
diminishing and finishing infinitesimal
no cause for kerfuffle
a trifle to stifle
in shyness
the boldness and brightness
of natural lightness

homily

i can write the words
tell myself they're true
but the homily is empty
until i hear it from you

littoral

sail a figurative sea
water the metaphor
for all things unsaid
between you and me
in a boat made of maybes
navigating shoals
of nouns and verbs
littoral not literal
crash upon the rocks
smash our hulls on
drunken midnight talks
that end us
drowning in language
without a drop
to drink

flounder

in the shallows
floundering
on sand
abrading
waiting
wading
waiting
for turning tides
to rise
and rip me
out to sea
into the deeps
danger filled
but free

numinous

trudge and toil, strive and climb
to find the divine
reach the numinous summit
and stilly sit
to bask in the beauty
to breathe in balance
beguiled by the land laid out before me
like a bed
by sunset luminous stretched over me
like a blanket
world wide and full of wonders
like a dream

doff

how oft we doff
our caps at those
who passing us
turn up their nose
bend, bow and scrape
to them that seem
to have escaped
connive and scheme
to join them there
above the fray
not realizing
that it was they
who used our backs
as steps to climb
they need us in
the muck and grime
or else they stand
upon thin air
we are the platform
and the stair
unless we rise
and let them fall
we shall remain
within their thrall

pidgin

no two random aliens from across a wide universe,
no dolphin squeaking at the dance of a honeybee,
no wildly gesticulating tourist
escalating in amplification emphatic
babbling in broken brogue
pattering in pidgin patois
rambling in recondite rhetoric
gibbering in jangling jargon
could be further from being able to deduce
in language obscure and abstruse
what you and I
trying with delicacy
mean to say
when we attempt without affray
to relay what we need
without expicitly saying
what we need to say

berate

others i oft forgive
where myself i will berate
i assume their innocence
ascribe their intentions
as the best
while blame myself
for ignorance, inconstancy, idiocy
and the rest
knowing the wrong i do think
though upon which would never act
convince myself
that thoughts are as deeds
though i know this is not how, in fact,
the world is or works or sees me so
my harshest critic, i am, i know
but i know best - or worst
and worst am last - or first

simulacrum

upon a stage
he stands
the simulacrum
of sincerity
armies he
commands
blind themselves
to the disparity
of what he claims he is
and what he is for certain
so tied up in the
suspension of
their disbelief
they would
come to grief
should they see
behind the curtain

vatic

grandiloquently disarming
so it seems less alarming
caught in your vatic soliloquy
dystopic distortion
in epic proportion
the mists of your prophecy
the fog about your face
whiskey the divine diviner
a leather barstool the alter
of your oracle
caterwauling Cassandra
as you tell us all
what we don't know
nor want to

usufruct

once i was
not my own
i was chattel
a bargaining chip
the price of land
or name
or dowry
a thing to ogle
or made to obey
but today
i am no usufruct
i am mine
i am no other's
though if some
in power
had their druthers
i would be reduced
to the usefulness
of my uterus
it could happen
i wish it were
not ludicrous
but if we are
not vigilant
it could in fact
come to this

tactile

put out your hands
cupped into a
rudimentary vessel

now fill them
with love
with joy
with sadness
with hate

you cannot

they hold naught
but empty air

and yet
these things
we feel

they weigh on us
or lift us up
wash over us
like water
like dust
we breathe them in

tactile and tangible
yet still insubstantial
our better and worser
angels that waltz
on the head of a pin

winkle

not from lack of trying
have I learned
you cannot
winkle out
the words
I love you
from a
taciturn tongue
nor affection
from a stone
regardless how
lifelike the statuary

raconteur

spiderwebs surprise
spun so fine 
stumbled into
unseen
distressing 
clinging to skin
disconcerting
sticky you are stuck
struggling squirming
truth stretched
by practiced spinner
arch arachnid
gravid with brummagem
revisionist raconteur
telling your tales awry
so sly
you can't recant
or recall
how it was
before they skittered
through your door

astute

sitting to the side
viewing askance
the astute attempt
to stifle their screams
knowing the masses
will ignore the truth
for the memes
awash in
common knowledge
alack, the lack
of common courtesy
rightness lost in righteousness
courage of convictions
replaced by entrenched predilections
and we weep as we wait
for our phones to beep
with more heartbreak
as the center cannot keep
and society dissipates

parlay

the question
always the same
evermore this
how to parlay
the joy of a day
into peace and content
everlasting bliss
the piecemeal magic
of moments stretched
into a life
continuous...
fleeting but repeating?

caesura

we do not cease
but in caesura
find the peace
the space
to breathe
to think
decide things
for which there is
no expertise
our joy
hope to increase
resume our pace
with new lease
on life
on love
the chase
to win or place
in a race
subject to
the caprice
of those who leave
no trace
in their decease

ostracize

the weirdo in the corner
buried in a book
picked last for the team
doesn't rate a second look
it doesn't matter what they think
or how they ostracize
the futures that await them
hold a grand surprise
someday they will be sorry
when they claim they knew her when
and she'll look at them quite blankly
"sorry, what's your name again?"

éclat

dispel the gloom
brighten every room
with constancy
a light that does not pierce
but suffuses
not the éclat of the disco ball
the flashing sirens call
not loud and proud and braying
brightening but not blinding
lightening but not lightning
you are the dawn

natant

oh why won't you
come out with me
into the sea
and natant upon
the waves be

above the green
beneath the blue
all I want is me & you
to float free

let go of care & worry

and hand in hand
we'll buoyant be

let tears dissipate
in the salty brine
sweetly kissed
by ocean divine

oh come with me
beyond the breakers
undulating sympathetically
forever we shall be

gust

text and context
words flicker and flash
watch with gust
because I must
see what you will say
the pause after the sent
signals descent into
delight or dismay
as I wait
wading through ellipses
anticipating future kisses
if only if only
I haven't wrecked
with misplaced words
the maybes of tomorrow
with the mistakes of today

liminal

I never understood
those who thought
their story was a line
from A to Z dot dot dot
a swirling blob of fingerpaints
strewn or swept or smashed
into canvas spilled on to table
walls fingers face anywhere at all
nebulous and ill-defined
a whole life liminal
applied without artistry
yet still art in my eyes
done on the fly
for in the messy mix
joy derived

iconoclast

the time has come

the people see

injustice clearly

those with open eyes

that is

iconoclasts no longer

shout into a void

but those with eyes shut tight

can still avoid 

the darker truths

or eyes a'slit

see them but blurry

through shimmering light

of the bubble 

they have built 

they who shout and screech

not liking the view

they yell "untrue"

as if their words 

can make it so

but others, now woke

finally know

and if they choose 

not to fall back asleep

perhaps, forward

towards fairness

the world can leap

for those who benefit

from privilege

it is our choice

and as we sow

so shall we reap

jovial

on a crowded city sidewalk

on a sticky summer day

when the daily news depresses

until you want to scream and rage

heat of the air oppresive

heart filled with much dismay

a grizzled man with grumpy face 

lines deep etched by years of toil

sitting on a sidewalk crate 

flashes a jovial grin

and you smile at his smiling 

turn your head to share

a brightly colored swirl of skirt

dark eyes peek through dark hair

one hand on mother's kameez

the other holds a rope

drags a tatty plastic toy dog on wheels 

caught on a sidewalk crack

a little face stops, looks back

shouts "heel" and yanks

and when it lands beside

the tail seems to wag

the hand lets go of mother's shirt 

and claps

lout

that I met you
happenstance
a lucky chance
and that with
storm-sky blue eyes
you saw the me I was before
a litany of louts fostered all my doubts
foisted on me all the wrongs
of those before I came along
until I disbelieved
my sense and senses
certain all I did
would cause offense -
that you saw through
to who I'd been
and more, could be
and in seeing her
you made her me
me again
there are no words
but thank you, friend

hoity-toity

oh you've got all the answers
and you never take the blame
i guess it makes life easier
when you never feel no shame
the hearts you break, the lies you tell
convince yourself they're true
you never put me on a pedestal
oh, but you made one just for you
and you climbed up, hoity-toity
and you issue your decrees
as you look down on us peons
picture us on bended knees
and we all should sing your praises
cuz you never meant no harm
though you set light to the theater
and you shut off the alarm
i was burned but now recovered
all your smoke has left my lungs
and i finally learned my lesson
yes, i learned that done was done
but it's okay for i am gone now
off your road of good intentions
and this poem is irrelevant
you really shouldn't rate a mention
so off into my sunset
with those who do not mind
a difference of opinion
those who are both nice and kind
or walk the road alone awhile
still in better company
than when you walked beside me
dictating how i should be

negotiate

through eyes clouded
by cataracts of complexity
stumbling over objects unseen
we negotiate the world
ever toddlers

searching for balance
for a guardrail
to help us
as we pull ourselves along
and barring those...

we long for
a soft place
to land

felicitous

scarlet painted across the sky with a careless hand
the streaks bleeding into the waves below
on a pier we stand bathed in the beauty
the gentle pressure of fingers intertwined
indicating thoughts, i think, aligned
my thought (and yours, I hope) this:
a moment more felicitous could not be found
suffused with such joy and peace profound
what separates us lost in the setting sun
for a moment, at least, not two but one

Yankee

split betwixt

a wide world apart

on southern shores

in sunny climes

an Opera House

to guide me home

but north

a different harbor calls

a pulsing throbbing throng

where cab meters tick

the click of a city's heartbeat 

and shining lights

twinkle through the night

the apple of my eye

a Yankee Aussie 

an Aussie Yank

SYD to NYC

forever twain my heart shall be

both adored

both missed 

when on the other shore

ossify

say yes
accept the adventures
as they come
let go of the ought
otherwise ossify
become a became
ever the same
and wondering why
things never change

defalcation

thief
you stole my heart
in increments
your defalcations
so covert
I never even noticed
how much of me
you'd taken
until it and you
were gone

qua

emblematic of a quixotic nature
decisions made then mulled
fretting and regretting
moment qua metaphor
for meta from micro
should I have, should I not
I thought
for once
at last
I was right
but in novelty
how would I know
whether yes or no
was the way to go
close your eyes
pick a hand
and hope

nadir

i fell
it's true
i fell
and felled
kept falling and falling
after the ground was pulled out from under me
i no longer knew who or how to be

i got used to the fall
like Alice
reading the writing on the wall
passing the time with wondering
six impossible things unneeded
just the one would do
until i hit bottom

finally knew
my nadir reached
sanity, just barely, unimpeached
nearly Havishamed
so confused
by all the nevers ever said
all the ways the always were waylaid

i dusted myself off
sans cobweb cake
floated back to the world again
in a balloon from a kindly Kansan
on the back of a luckdragon
through the universe in a Heart of Gold
on the wings of Gwaihir
i grew bold

i never mean to disappear in there
but this is an always that is always true

it took
the pages of a book
to bring me back to me
after yet another perfidy

yes, all it took
was a book
to rid me of my blue
to rid me of you

attenuate

quality trumps quantity
and social scopes
narrow over time
age attenuates our tribes
of those who care but little
and I cannot regret
the whittling away
of fair weather friends
through heartaches
and hardships
for i've been blessed
with the best
who are amazing and astound
when chips are down
who pick me up
when i fall to ground
who save me when
by life near drowned
the greatest group
that can be found
and I'm the luckiest girl around

licit

i've colored inside the lines, left queues unskipped
showed up on time, rude quips left unquipped
my ducks lined up in a row like dominoes
angles right but wrong
following rules keeps me,
it seems, from getting along
i could not be more licit if i tried
but the rules the world has made
are misapplied
when recognized at all
more fool me
strung up in red tape
good graces erased
by those who strip the golden rule for parts
melt it down to pawn for pennies on the dollar
what care they who cheat and steal for etiquette
ignoring conscience is how they benefit

crackerjack

a million meticulous minds
brightest and best
no less would I expect
but not limitless
a crackerjack team
detectoring forever
still could not
make head nor tails
of your betrayals
the monumental missteps
of a vote led
by neither heart nor head
ego fed by id
still cannot explain
what you did

jactitation

beginning leaves me
spinning once again
anticipation jactitation
butterflies fluttering
with every word sputtering
hope a drug
for which I'm jonesing
antidote to despair
letting yourself care
enjoy the jitters
twitterpated
the only sure losers
are quitters

extirpate

into dusty desert
under a giant sky
i see in 360
from horizon
to horizon
my surgery
antiseptic sunshine
the breezes
suture and stitch
the hopes sterilize
seal myself for healing
extirpate the bits
you infected
with devastating doubt
cut them out
evaporate
like sorrow in the sun
as after the removal
of an appendix unneeded
i go on

hermetic

temptation great to
resign from these times
and live a life hermetic
from politics chaotic
and massacres traumatic
corporations diabolic
populous apathetic
to leadership shambolic

I picture it
a farmhouse down
a forest track
self-sufficient
and no looking back
a paradise for two
away from all the bullshit
just me and you

genius

manipulate the world like clay
try to make what could be
from what is
no wonder then so oft
that genius linked to madness
for who would not
be brought to the brink
having seen utopia in a blink
then flashed back and felt compelled
to build a bridge across the abyss
who would not despair
at the multitudes who see the gap
and jeer "do not bother,
you'll never get from here to there.
you cannot walk on air."

feign

Pyrrhic victory
without peer
paint my face
with nonchalance
the makeup
of indifference
feign aloofness
to maintain balance
masking
my amore
my armor
I fell for you
but you fell for it
my facade
foolishly
I hid my fear
in the ferocity
of false impassivity
until frustrated by
faked unflappability
you fled

inchoate

steadfast in stupidity
clinging to inchoate conclusions
hoping to make reality
of delusions
by force of will alone
but winding back the clock
doesn't change the time
disingenuous in belief
ignoring the grief
of those
who by your inaction,
coercion or cowardice
are left still weeping
or soon to weep
you take the money
and break the promise
you made to keep
Justice, Tranquility
and general Welfare
lost to greed and warfare
and motivated by fear
not for your safety
but losing your seat
at a table you've made obsolete

heliolatry

rubbed with unguents of coconuts
in bikini-clad vestments
daiquiri sacraments drunk
heliolatry hidden as hedonism
positioned supine in supplication
new baptized in the light
of summer's sultry days
the congregation gathers

dolorous

I know the bog
the quicksand
of dolorous decay
clinging to my toes
as it drags me
down below
the terror that
each rope is a rattler
each log a crocodile
that happiness is lost forever
gone somewhere
with my smile
but in the end
I'm buoyant
my heart not so heavy
so as to sink
it's never easy
to save yourself
from sadness
but you can
if you change
how you think

kvell

to walk tall through the darkness
come out the other side
I kvell to bursting
so full I am of pride
that you, a lone rock standing
hold fierce against the tide
I can only aspire
so true you are when tried
a beacon bright with hope
to all who are allied

benign

in days overwrought
painted with bigotry and hate
it becomes so easy to equate
the benign with the banal
thoughts and prayers
kind but underwhelming
no action by authority
those lacking
both courage and conviction
they couch their cowardice
in diction devout
or spout the rhetoric of fear
forgetting the tenets
they claim to hold dear
the gyre widens indeed
as we, the body politic, have become
the rough beast slouching

MacGuffin

we do not write ourselves

we do not know the lines

we come on blind

are we a prop?

are we the gun 

that must go off

or the MacGuffin

to set the stage

with no payoff

until the final curtain falls

we live out lives

within these walls

unaware of our place

within it all

verdure

in the desert lies
a hidden valley
behind a red rock mountain
a pool
fed by the memory
of snow
a pocket of verdure
where lazy lizards
bask in coolness
and deer find succor
there you will find me
washing away
my sin and sweat
before braving
the blazing heat
of a life
in the unforgiving sun

obtuse

all too often
I think I have
the right angle
when in truth
obtuse
lost in the geometry
seeing patterns
in disparate pieces
convinced of collusion
a delusion
of order
comfort in chaos

tocsin

so loudly singing your praises
I could not hear the tocsin sound
and even had I
my brakes were broke
so smashed I into disrepute
desolate deshabille
until one, he
picked me up
put me back together
not caring whether
all the parts still worked
and though I can only
move forward in spurts
onward we march

quaff

nature's majesty surrounds
and you are lost
in the mystery that abounds
the rabbit hops past
inquisitive
the buck, new antlered
ignores
you, a visitor,
no cause for pause
the rocks immobile
as your frenetic mind
learns, like them, to accept
the passage of time
stoically
quaff deeply this heady brew
the sun, the sky, the world
at peace in you

renovate

Fire set

My Anger

A Controlled burn

Clearing out 

The undergrowth 

Gone the old bracken

That chokes new growth 

Better to renovate thus

Than subject to 

The wildfire's ravages be

semelparous

a whole life spent
beauty subdued
closed tight
against the world's
prying eyes
predators that would
peel back
her petals
too soon
semelparous flower
she waits
for one
worthy of
her bloom

passel

on this roller coaster
this rickety rambling
created confection
concoction of anticipation
and reflection
passels of passengers
pass me by
waiting in line to ride
squeamish or eager
until giddy or aghast
strapped in at last
eyes open or shut
with the clickity-clack
we creep upward
race downward
towards an end
of someone else's design

ululate

catching at you
with long thin fingers
it wraps around your throat
tears/shreds/rends your skin
sets every hair on edge
sends teeth gnashing and grinding
jaw cracking
the wail of your loved
who weeps & ululates
inconsolable
for another

nescience

in the rhetoric that rises
like heat shimmering
some see their oasis
and march to it
some see the mirage
and march through it
and some bury their heads
in the sand
to choke on granules
of nescience and silica

welter

buoyant no more
flotsam from a hurricane of humours
waterlogged, i welter in the whimsical
vertiginous vagaries send me sinking
my forced frivolity cannot float me
still i drown in inconsequence
caught in your net of nonchalance
and dragged downward
by your persistent
insistence of insouciance

lucid

i was lost in the fog
the hazy malaise
obscuring my vision
muddling my mind
unable to find
the path at my feet
couldn't move forward
neither retreat
until you blew through
the wind off the ocean
briny and brisk
lucid and light
you banished the blur
made everything clear
so finally I can get
to there from here